“Motherhood is a marathon and when you’re a mom everyone wants you. I found that making time for me meant that I could continue to care for others. Massage is one thing that I never gave up because it grounded me, brought me back into my body and made sure I could keep going.”

– Kua Body client and Mother of two, Vinitha

APRIL, 2017

We all know that a good mother should be, loving, nurturing, giving, and kind to her children. But can a good mother offer those same traits to herself? Often, everyone’s needs are weighed except one: Mom.

To celebrate Mother’s Day and our thriving community of Kua Body Moms, we asked relationship therapist Deborah Dooley, PhD, LMFT, to share her wisdom based on neuroscience on the importance of nurturing yourself as a Mom – not only for your own health but for your child’s wellbeing and development.

“Upuia helped me feel comfortable in my body and was able to facilitate a calm and safe environment. She even magically turned my daughter days before she was born. “

– Kua Body client Vinitha on the role of massage during her preganncy and birth of her second child.

In Deborah’s words…

A nurturing mother is not about what she is doing, nor the role she plays, rather it is about who she is being. Who she is being comes from her internal relationship within herself.

Learning to be self-nurturing is the greatest gift a Mother can give to herself, her family and humanity. This is because self-care opens the heart field. A nurturing relationship starts with self-regulating the neurological system and sensing the internal heart field.

Western culture focuses on the brain’s frontal cortex for productivity and achievement. This has been elevated to the exclusion of all other parts of the body’s interconnected neurological system.

Mass media imprints what ‘good mothers’ should do, what love relationships (fantasies) bring, and the perfect roles to play in relationships. When the frontal cortex, with all its concepts, expectations, and attachments, is exclusively developed, the neurological system becomes imbalanced. The result is personal stress. The long-term results are enduring relationships with no real heart connection and extremely high divorce rates.

Our Western culture has diminished the value and role the nurturing mother plays in our culture.

So we have lost the mentoring of nurturing the self, tending to the inner world, of inner bonding and self-regulation. If the mother does not have this, the children do not learn this. The capacity for emotional bonding initially comes from the mother, and is then internalized within each person.

Taking the time to resource yourself begins with understanding your own neurological system, and cultivating your own presence. This is the beginning of cultivating the loving icon of the nurturing mother. When Moms are able to do this for themselves, it expands their vision and understanding of what emotional bonding is with others. In an ideal world the mother is mentoring their children how to create self-nurturing and self-regulation. The children receives the love from mother and internalize it into their own self-relating.

David Paterson, Ph.D. a professor at Oxford University, straddles the two areas of the brain and the heart. His work shows that your brain is not the sole source of your emotions, but indeed, your heart and brain work together in producing emotions, loving emotions.

The center of the neurological system is the heart. The heart radiates an electromagnetic field that extends two to three feet around the body. This field is regulated by the heart rate. The heart rate regulation is referred to as heart coherence. This is what regulates a balanced brain.

The heart rate is regulated through the breath and relaxing the body. In this moment become aware of your breathing pattern. Close you eyes and sense the breath rate, the depth and where the body is or is not expanding with the breath. A short, shallow breath creates an incoherent heart rate. A deep, slow breath that expands through the entire rib cage creates heart coherence. There are several phone apps that can reflect the success of generating heart coherence. The heart coherence expands and regulates the electromagnetic field.

“Our Western culture has diminished the value and role the nurturing mother plays in our culture.”

-Deborah Dooley

The mother’s electromagnetic field is the first imprint that lays the foundation of the young child’s neurology. This first imprint will highly influence the development of the individual’s future neurological and emotional states. These preconscious neurological states are the foundation of the adult’s emotional patterns. The emotional patterns stem from the electromagnetic fields you have inherited through genetics and from the electromagnetic fields you grew up in.

This is why the mother is such an important role in her children’s lives. This is why the mothers self-nurturing and regulation is so important. Even if this developmental state of a mother’s nurturing was missed, you have the ability to create this within yourself. This starts with the understanding of heart coherence and learning how to manage your own electrical fields. This self-regulation is the foundation for balancing your conscious connection to yourself.

The loving, nurturing mother icon is something most people seek outside of the adult self. This energy field begins within the self; it begins with taking the time to manage your own heart coherence. The more time you take to care and balance yourself, the more presence you will cultivate to be the loving mother for self and others.

The self-care is both an internal and external activity. The neurology needs both to balance and integrate. Learn to self-regulate takes requires practicing regulation skills. When a mother is sitting, ‘doing nothing’ and holding her child, there is a huge energy exchange that is imprinting. Learning to sense this energy field requires cultivating conscious awareness.

“There are many resources in each community that supports learning these practices. These include yoga, meditation and Kua Body offers several resources to support this internal development.”

“The biggest mistake I have made as a parent was giving of myself, body and soul, to support my children’s developing and all consuming lives. Massages have been so much more than a blissful parentheses. They supported both my mental and physical health and are a form of self assertive statement in my busy schedule.”

-Béatrice

“Motherhood is a phenomenal life fulfilling experience where every moment is precious. As a mother of soon to be three and a massage therapist of 10+ years, I have found Craniosacral massage, Myofascial release, and prenatal Thai Massage vital to my prenatal, perinatal, births, and post partum experiences.

-Loriana

THE KUA BODY GIFT FOR MOMS

Kua Body offers a variety of massage modalities, from Relaxation, Prenatal, Deep Work and Thai massage, both Los Altos and Pleasanton. This year give the Mother(s) in your life the gift of Kua Body – a self-care opportunity to renew the self, increase personal integration, and wellness.

Customize your Kua Body gift card for a minimum value of 60 minutes and receive $10 off our limited edition Kua Body Eye Pillow. Offer ends May 14th.